


Give-and-take

by AirgiodSLV



Series: Sins [2]
Category: The Lord of the Rings RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-07-31
Updated: 2004-07-31
Packaged: 2019-07-20 08:45:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 580
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16133756
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AirgiodSLV/pseuds/AirgiodSLV
Summary: Orlando thought, for a long time, that he wanted only what Elijah had to give. The bruises, the sly smiles, the constant sense of being off-balance because he never knew exactly what Elijah was thinking. It wasn’t until he met Dom that he realized he might have been chasing the wrong thing. He doesn’t want what Elijah has. He wants what Elijahis.





	Give-and-take

**Author's Note:**

> For the [](https://furorscribendi.livejournal.com/profile)[furorscribendi](https://furorscribendi.livejournal.com/) ‘envy’ challenge. Follows [Avaritia](http://www.livejournal.com/users/airgiodslv/71538.html).

Orlando thought, for a long time, that he wanted only what Elijah had to give. The bruises, the sly smiles, the constant sense of being off-balance because he never knew exactly what Elijah was thinking. It wasn’t until he met Dom that he realized he might have been chasing the wrong thing. He doesn’t want what Elijah has. He wants what Elijah _is._

It’s not the same, although Orlando can’t figure out why. He does the same things to Dom that Elijah does to him, imitates Elijah’s air of careless insolence, studies the marks and the sensations until he has them memorized. But it’s still not the same.

He ties Dom to the bed, but he can’t hold Dom without the rope. He doesn’t have Elijah’s ropes, made out of lamplight and confidence, so he has to use hemp instead, and Dom chafes at them obediently but always pushes as if he expects something more. He pushed once, hard, and Orlando was so surprised that he let go. Dom hasn’t really struggled since then, and Orlando hates that it’s because Dom knows he would win.

Orlando can’t stay in the moment with Dom, can’t be as casually cruel and compassionate as Elijah, can’t figure out when to mark as a punishment and when to mark as a reward. He thought it would come with time and experience, but there’s still something missing. Dom gets a faraway look in his eyes sometimes when they’re together, and Orlando doesn’t have the power to bring him back.

Orlando wishes it were different, wishes he could say that Dom needed him the way Orlando didn’t need Elijah, but there’s no one to say it to. Dom knows it for a lie, and Elijah…Elijah would only smile, and guard his secrets, and take Orlando apart piece-by-piece just to prove how wrong he was. Orlando’s stomach drops when he thinks about how Elijah would react, and there’s a delicious shame in knowing that it isn’t all fear.

He keeps his own secrets from Elijah. He keeps Dom, and that’s enough to make his heart race when he’s with one of them, when Dom finds a bruise left by Elijah, or Elijah catches him standing a little too close to Dom. It’s a thrill, and a challenge. A game. How long he can go without getting caught, contemplating the consequences if he does.

He knows that Dom will eventually get bored and drift away, because Orlando can’t hold him. He doesn’t have anything to offer that he hasn’t already given, and he knows that it’s not enough. Dom is hungry, and it’s only a matter of time before he slips Orlando’s hemp ropes and goes looking for more. He’s insubstantial with Orlando, shadowy and calm, letting Orlando wash over him like a wave without ever really connecting.

Elijah would own him. Elijah would hold him down with words and invisible bonds, would take his soul and have Dom begging him to do it. Orlando wants that, the power and the possession, but he can’t quite reach out and take it. There’s something in the way, like a thin layer of gauze that he grasps at without tearing through, and Dom is on the other side, watching and waiting. He dreams it, Dom’s eyes on the other side of a curtain, wide and open, but distant.

Not the same. And Orlando’s biggest fear, watching Dom laugh and hide secrets in his eyes, is that he knows it.


End file.
